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Tag Archives: Facebook

LEGAL STALKING

A few weeks ago, the ladies at Pamflet asked me to speak at the London launch of Emma Koenig’s FUCK! I’M IN MY TWENTIES. It’s amazing, buy it. Anyway, I used this as an opportunity to find out what the audience thought of my online behaviour towards my boyfriend. They thought I was less of a psycho than I’d anticipated so I thought ‘sod it’ and turned my talk into a series of blog posts. This is part 1. And my boyfriend has now seen this.

I freak out every time my boyfriend wants to use my MacBook for something. I usually smack his hand away before he even has a chance to move the mouse to Chrome. I’d definitely rather accidentally break his DJing hand or whatever than see the look on his face if he discovered the dark secret that lies in wait on my home page if I haven’t cleared my browsing history in the last forty five minutes. But I’m not having a raunchy affair conducted entirely through Facebook chat, I don’t have a shameful past that could be revealed by an unfortunate email at any moment and there is no addiction to obscure pornography that could be exposed with a simple mistyped URL. The truth is far worse: my most visited sites will undoubtedly always be his Facebook and Twitter profiles.

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NB: This post isn’t actually about the Miley Cyrus film, it’s actually about films in general and how they forget about the Internet. Until now. Sort of.

Okay so it wasn’t exactly straight-to-DVD, but the Lionsgate website said it was only showing in ‘select theatres’ which translated to about 8 cinemas showing it last week, mainly at 11:40am in obscure parts of London with no advertising at all, except Miley’s casual engagement announcement. Unsurprisingly then, the cinema was half-empty and every single person in there was a Miley fangirl/boy, myself included. Which may prompt you to think that this review (it’s not really a review) will be incredibly biased. But I was so prepared for this film to be awful* and it just wasn’t. LOL is, without a doubt, the best teenage coming of age rom-com I’ve seen in a really, really long time.

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“Facebook is a social utility that allows you to procrastinate by scrolling through a constantly updating stream of photos of pasta, cryptic updates and endless event invites from people you met once three years ago and haven’t spoken to since.”

I have 816 friends on Facebook. 816 friends? Real friends, defined in the OED as: ‘One joined to another in mutual benevolence and intimacy’? No Jessica, even you, life and soul of every party, ultra-social being and all round great girl, cannot claim to have 816 friends.

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