Bye guys, I’m giving up Facebook because of 17 reasons Only People With Really Big Facebook Habits Will Understand. The first 6 people to respost this get a puppy. You Won’t Believe How Awe-Inspiring I’m Being whilst I win the Internet. Seriously. Just Click Here.

Grammar aside, I’m pretty sure the Internet can’t be anything but a parody of itself right now.

1 – “I’m feeling like a great social networker, so the first 32 people to comment on this status will get a magical reward from me at an unspecified date this year. BUT you have to piss off all your friends by making this your status too. GO!”

This is like when we were all teenagers and all got our first Hotmail addresses that ended in XXX and had underscores on purpose. At least there were incentives to passing those ones on, like protecting tiny kittens or not wanting to be haunted by dead babies.

 

2 – “Oh My God. You Won’t Believe The Last Six Seconds Of This. I Laughed And I Cried And I Was In Awe At The World. Like This To See What Happens At The End. Seriously. You Won’t Regret It.”

What do you really expect to happen? Really actually literally legitimately really?

 

3 – “I’m deleting my Facebook and going to do something useful with my time like tweet more. Real friends, I guess you’ll keep in touch via email or Google+. Bye guys. I mean it this time. Seriously, bye.”

This one has been around for a while, so long that there’s actually potential people do mean it. Another new slant on this is the long, first-person thought pieces in the digital and liberal press explaining the Internet population’s ‘fatigue’, with a series of rebuttals.

 

4 – “[Brand] Wins [Event] With [Subject] Tweet”

I don’t know who won anything at the Grammys, I just know that Pharrell wore a hat. I don’t know what the Superbowl is but I know that JC Penney wore mittens. WHERE DID ACTUAL NEWS GO?

 

5 – “3475 Things That Only People Who Read Every List On The Internet Will Understand”

I don’t even know what an RA is but I clicked on this because I wanted a series of GIFs to transport me to inside a mythical RA brain.

NB: This is probably genius on Buzzfeed’s part – appealing to a variety of ‘types’ of people – dreamed up in an editorial meeting now that they’ve got the monopoly on general nostalgia, news coverage and actually everything.

 

6 – “Self-Referential Internet Comment Piece About How Self-Referential The Internet Is Right Now”

Not even sorry.